How do I love thee?
                              Let me count the chibis....

                    [Cue His lordship Chaos sitting on a sofa with armfuls of SDPesti-chan plushies!]
          His lordship Chaos: ^^v "I, His lordship Chaos, do hereby permit this omakefic to be about Pesti-chan."
                    [Unexpectedly a small, yellow & really cute bear waddles into the obligatory intro bit.]
          Puchuu Bear: ^^ "Puchuu!"
          His lordship Chaos: "Just what the hell is that supposed to mean anyways? Translator!"
                    [Enter Puchiko, nyu!]
          Puchiko-chan: [with Puchuu/English dictionary] "Puchiko speaks 'Puchuu', nyu. She will now translate for the author and all you readers, nyu."
          Puchuu Bear: ^^ "Puchuu."
          Puchiko-chan: "He said something about 'yo momma', nyu."
          His lordship Chaos: [cracking his knuckles] "Oh, he did now, did he?"
          Puchiko-chan: "Not really, nyu. But Puchiko's feeling capricious today, nyu."
                    [The author suddenly stands up inside the bridge of a starship!]
          His lordship Chaos: "This naturally means war. Puchiko-chan, aim for the Puchuu Bear, and fire our Photon torpedoes!"
          Puchiko-chan: "Hai, nyu."
                    [Cue the hapless Photon being loaded into the torpedo tube and shot out towards the Puchuu bear!]
          Photon: ;_;
          Puchuu Bear: ^^; "Puchuu?"
                    *CRUNCH!*Puchuu Bear: >.- "I shall be avenged one day!"
          His lordship Chaos: "Not likely. Now Puchiko-chan, ready the Kaikan Phrasers--er, Phasers!"
          Puchiko-chan: "Readers might object if you use bishie singers as ammunition, nyu."
          His lordship Chaos: "Oh, who cares about the readers? We're talking about *my* needs here!"
         

[Cue the fic!]
         


His lordship Chaos presents:


THE PESTI-FIC


         
                    My name is Pesti-chan.

You know, as a fanboy I've taken a lot of abuse in my day. I come under fire all the time for the world I'm living in. Sure, I'm a self-inserted male avatar who's currently dating the Senshi of his desires: the fair Kino Makoto. And I'm not about to hide that I also happen to be an EVA pilot for reasons that got flushed down one of the series' plot holes.

For things like this I've been accused of indulging myself, of Godplaying, of being the epitome of all the evil that should we wiped clean from SM fanfiction. You could call me all sorts of names. You could flame me. You could even start up an anti-Pesti club and it won't matter to me.

But it's the little things that piss me off.

Six little things come to mind right now:
                    SD Pesti #1 - Chibichi

SD Pesti #2 - Ni-san

SD Pesti #3 - San-chan/Chibi-san

SD Pesti #4 - Yon

SD Pesti #5 - Go

SD Pesti #6 - Roku
          Washu-sensei: ^^v "And this helpful chart has been brought to you by that great, super-cute genius host of 'Nane Nani Fanboys': Washu-chan!"
          Ines-sensei: [eyebrow twitch!] "I made that helpful diagram, Washu, and we both know it."
          Washu-sensei: "Tsk tsk. Washu-CHAN. I'm surprised someone as smart as you can't even remember my name."
          Ines-sensei: --;; "The name I want to call you I can't say right now, since there are children present. See?"
          Ruri: "Baka."
                    ['Nane Nani Fanboys!' will no longer be seen today, as the current hosts are busy trying to stuff each other into a centrifuge. But tune in next time for the pilot episode of that wacky & violent family sitcom: I Love Hina!]
          Keitaro: "Naru, you got some 'splaining to do."
          Naru: [decking Keitaro!] "Explain this, you pervert!"
                    *WHAM!*
         

*          *          *

PART THE SECOND: JYUBANJI




"You don't say!" Usagi said with a great deal of surprise as she sat atop her desk. "Kamui can't recombine?"

Dark Mayhem nodded, an arm draped over the fair and innocent Ami-chan (who herself had opted to go commando today). "Pretty much. The six of him have been moshing all the way to Jyuban, and the only progress they've made is sustaining some headaches and a few mild concussions."

Given how Ginpachi, the not-so-ultimate teacher/cockroach, was still orbiting the planet from F9!, the fanboys and the Senshi had a spare for their first period class. This unto itself was appreciated by everyone, since they didn't have to rush to be on time for the class--and they could just lounge around the classroom until the second period began.

"That sounds rather complicated," Minako said, sitting with her back against Usagi's. She kicked her feet in the air. "Kamui must be feeling like a Fisheye out of water right now."

"You don't know the half of it," Demolition said, thumbing over to the rambunctious 6-pack of avatars a few desks down. "I always thought that when Pesti-chan did the multi-SD thing, each of his chibi selves had their own chibi versions of the clothes he'd been wearing."

Dark Mayhem chuckled. "Not anymore! It would appear the author has other plans for this fic."

At the risk of stating the obvious, no good was becoming of the Pesti plot twist.

"Ack! I'm naked!" SD Pesti #5 shrieked, blushing furiously and trying to cover his crotch with the sleeve of the Jyuban blazer.

"Will you stop squirming around so much?" Makoto sighed, sitting on one of the desks. All around her were chibi-Pesti's and two male Jyuban High uniforms. "How am I supposed to measure you for your pants if you don't stand still?"
          SD Pesti #3: "Just remember, I want a codpiece that allows for extra room."
          Makoto: [eyebrow twitch!] "A codpiece is not a part of the regulated uniform."
          SD Pesti #1: ^______^ [glomped onto Makoto's back] "Mako-chan Mako-chan Mako-chaaaaaan!"
          Makoto: "Um...please tell me you're at least wearing a towel there. Can't any of you guys wait around quietly for your fitting?"
          SD Pesti #4: ^^v "I've got my game; what more could I want?"
          SD Pesti #2: "What is that?"
          SD Pesti #4: ^-^ "It's my Gemagotchi! Want to feed it?"
          Gemagotchi: "I'm hungry, gema!"
          SD Pesti #6: [frying the Gemagotchi with his eyebeams] "Eat this, gema!"
          SD Pesti #4: [nervously backing away from #6] "H-Hidoi..."
                    "It's amazing to think they actually managed to commute to school without any clothes to fit them," Ami said.

Demolition shrugged. "Nothing to it, actually. We just tossed the whole gaggle of them into the pizza delivery cannon and fired them off. Of course, who knew the crosswinds would blow them into the cistern instead of letting them land neatly on the rooftop."
          SD Pesti #5: >.<;; "I'm gonna be bathing in tomato juice for weeks!"
                    Makoto continued to diligently restitch Pesti-chan's uniform, using his spare one to help for extra material as she refitted it for all 6 chibi sizes. Unfortunately, when all was said and done, there was one teeny little insignificant problem: even with two uniforms, Makoto didn't have enough material to work with. As a result, all six SD Pesti-chans were forced to wear the Jyuban High blazer...and shorts.
          SD Pesti #6: --;; "This is so humiliating."
          Noboru: ^-^ [he's a Clamp Campus detective!] "Hey, I like your shorts!"
                    *PUNT!!*
                    "Too bad Demolition wasn't the one who shrunk," Dark Mayhem said. "His pants alone would clothe half of the chibi-Havocs."

Demolition gave a dry laugh. "Aha haaaaaaaa...not funny, Newt-boy. Ne, Makoto, if you're done using it as a pair of fabric scissors, can I have my Sword of Light back?"

Makoto gave him back his sword as she rejoined with the others.
          Demolition: o.O; "Ack! Handle first, Makoto! Handle first!"
          Makoto: ^^;; "Gomen nasai!"
                    "Well, they're not spectacular outfits given the rush job, "Makoto said, wiping some of the sweat from her brow. "But at least Kamui doesn't have to worry about being naked in public."

"Aside from Three," Minako said. "I think I saw him flashing some of the faculty down the hall when I came in."

Dark Mayhem lifted his head off Ami's shoulder, glancing around the now abruptly quiet classroom. "On the other hand...the fear of giving people fanservice was probably the only thing keeping them contained in the classroom."

Everyone's eyes widened, and the Senshi frantically spun around. They were presented with a classroom half-filled with students talking casually to each other...but none of the SD Pesti-chans were in sight.

"This could be a problem," Ami said.

"It's just six chibified versions of Kamui," Usagi piped up." What harm could they do?"

Suddenly Ruckus was seen bounding past the open classroom door, a very irate (not to mention pantsed) SD Pesti #6 chasing after him." Give me my shorts back this minute, you perverted ninja!" he shouted, the vein in his forehead throbbing fiercely. A split second before he disappeared from view, he hauled out a Castor gun.

Everyone stayed quiet, still watching the doorway. A few moments later, a really frightened SD Pesti #6 was seen racing past the door, throwing caution to the wind and the Castor gun over his shoulder.

"Kyaaaaaaa!! I take it back!" SD Pesti #6 shrieked. "Keep theshorts! Just get away from me!"

Hot on his heels was Ruckus, still waving #6's shorts over his head. "Don't you want to read my newest Ruckusfic, 'Yaoi: A Fashionable Judo Boy', with me?" Ruckus called out. "You can sit on my lap if you want. And ooooooh! What cute li'l Sanrio briefs you're wearing!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!!!"

Everyone slowly turned to Usagi.

"I'll get my Stungun born of love," she sighed, taking the lead.

"Hold on," Demolition said, bending down at the waist behind Minako. He scratched his head, perplexed. "What's with the wide load, Minako-chan?"

Minako let out an indignant shriek, spinning around and slapping Demolition on the side of the face. "Hey, no one can check out my rear except for Na-chan!"

Demolition glowered at Dark Mayhem and Ami, both of whom were having a significant amount of trouble trying to keep from laughing atthe red handprint on his cheek. "Sure, when I make a harmless remark about a girl's butt, I get noticed," he grumbled. "But when it comes to my display of manly ogre-slaying abdomens, I'm suddenly as non-existent as realistic body physique in a Masami Obaka show."
          SD Pesti #5: [scratching his head] "Isn't the director's name Masami Obari?"
          SD Pesti #2: "You obviously haven't seen Gowcaizer, have you, Go?"
          SD Pesti #5: "No...but I read Chaos' latest fic Maucaizer recently .Gyaaaaaaaaa. The horror! The talking power-suited feline horror!"
                    "Ne, Demo-sempai might have a point," Makoto interjected, pointing down at the backside of Minako's pleated blue skirt. "You are looking a little...frumpier there, Minako-chan."

Minako blushed furiously at that.

Being the ever inquisitive one of the group, Ami ventured forth and gripped the end of Minako's skirt with her fingertips. Lifting the skirt up found SD Pesti #3 underneath it, busy feeling up Minako's butt.

"You have got to be kidding me," Makoto said in utter disbelief.

SD Pesti abruptly made a "piku?" noise and looked up from fondling Minako's panties. Upon seeing two fanboys and four Senshi looking down at him, he immediately let out a "hmph!" and yanked the skirt back down over himself.

"I need a little privacy here!" he snapped. "This isn't a free show, people!"

Usagi blinked a few times in surprise, the gears in her brain grinding to a halt. Demolition waved a hand in front of her face, then tore open his shirt to display his biceps. He got no response from the odango-haired Senshi. "I think we just broke her," he sighed, doing the buttons of his dress shirt back up.

"On the bright side, that's one chibi-Kamui found," Makoto said." How many others were there?"

"Five are unaccounted for at the moment," Ami replied.

Minako abruptly jumped. "Ano...better make that all six. I think number Three just made off with my panties."

Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes. "And here I thought today would be boring. So if I was a hyper-active chibi version of myself, where would I be?"

"Probably hiding under the covers of my bed while I'm undressing," Ami giggled, playfully blowing into the uber exploder fanboy's ear. And uber explode he did!

Outside in the courtyard, SD Pesti #2 looked up as one of the windows on the second floor suddenly exploded, a large plume of black smoke billowing out from the hole in the wall. "Get a lemon or a love hotel, you two!" he shouted up at the classroom.

SD Pesti #2 then turned to the cluster of schoolgirls currently decked out in gym shorts for their phys. ed class. "Okay, ladies, here's the deal," he stated, pointing down at his bare legs. "As you can see, I have the misfortune of being decked out in these ridiculous shorts."

"But you look so cute like that!" one of the girls gushed.

SD Pesti #2 crossed his chibi arms over his chibi chest and gave her a disapproving stare. "You're an adorable bubblehead, my dear. Don't make me hurt you."

"Hai...."

"Now as I was saying," SD Pesti #2 continued. "The door to your changeroom has been locked, and only I know where the key is. Now I'm not vicious...or Vicious, for that matter, since I lack the vulture. But that's beside the point. Now I don't want to see you stuck in your gym clothes for the rest of the day. And that is why all you ladies need to do in order to get the key back, is make a small financial contribution to the 'Give Money So I Can Buy Some Actual Pants' fund."

"But I need to get my lip balm from my schoolbag right now!" one female student protested, looking very anxious.

However, SD Pesti #2 staunchly refused. "Sorry, but I'm not about to tell you where I've hidden the key on me." He abruptly paused, blinking a few times as he rethought that last sentence. "I really shouldn't have said that out loud."

He became acutely aware of a circle of very evil-looking female students towering over him. "So...the key's hidden somewhere on you, is it?" one young lady remarked, cracking her knuckles.

"A-Ano ne...." SD Pesti #2 stammered, sweatdropping.

"Wai!" the cute, bubbleheaded student cheered. "He's so chibi and kawaii, it won't matter how much we feel him up and molest him! It's all going to be seen as a comedic gag!"
          SD Pesti #2: o.O;; "Wha--hey, put me down! Dammit, this plan looked good in the conceptual phase!"
                    Off the group of female phys. ed students raced with a dejected SD Pesti #2 firmly trapped in their grasp. With a loud cheer they charged past SD Pesti #1, who was seated one of the outdoor benches &enjoying a nice refreshing ice cream cone. Unfortunately, the wind generated by the girls racing past him caused the ice cream to topple out from its cone.

SD Pesti #1's eyes bugged out as the ice cream plopped onto the ground, leaving him with an empty, dry cone.
          SD Pesti #1: ;_; "C-Cruel...."
                    Not too far from the sniffling SD Pesti #1, the Senshi were busy trying to scour the schoolyard for any of the chibi-avatars. "Hey, good news!" Makoto called out. "I found one of the chibi-Kamui's!"
          SD Pesti #4: ^^ "Puchuu!"
          Makoto: ^^;; "'Puchuu'?"
                    "That's not a Pesti-chan," Demolition said, his eyebrow twitching. "That's a Puchuu bear...dressed up in Four's uniform?"

"Hai!" came SD Pesti #4's disgruntled voice. Suddenly he toppled out from the leaves of the tree overhead, faceplanting onto the ground below. Once he managed to regain his sense of balance, he pointed a finger (that being the middle) at the other SD Pesti #4 in Makoto's hands.

"That's a fake Yon!" he exclaimed, clad in only his emergency pair of Lucky Hello Kitty gym shorts. "That Pesti-chan is an impostor! There I was, minding my own business, when suddenly I get mugged by this Puchuu bear who steals my clothes!"
          Puchuu Pesti: ^^ "Puchuu!"
          SD Pesti #4: [grrrr!] "Same to you, buddy! Once I get the rest of myselves together, we're so going to smite your candy yellow ass!"
                    Launching himself at the Puchuu, SD Pesti #4 prepared to do battle for the fair Mako-chan's affections. But Demolition caught the chibi-Pesti in mid-air and effectively restrained the ranting runt by holding him up by the scruff of his neck.

"Kamui never had this problem of always winding up naked when he was just a single person," Makoto lamented, feeling another headache coming on. "So what are we supposed to do with this Puchuu thingy?"

"I hear they make for good piñatas," Dark Mayhem offered.

SD Pesti #4, still thrashing about in the air to try & get at the Puchuu bear, made a few suggestions involving something rather rude & physically impossible to do with a Zanba Blade.

"Did we catch number Six by mistake, or what?" Demolition asked, sweatdropping at #4's language.

Of course, in the face of such insults, the counterfeit SD Pesti just smiled and went, "Puchuu!"
          Usagi: ^-^ "Aw, it's sooooo cute!"
          Ami: "He does have a certain endearing quality about him...."
          SD Pesti #4: [argh!] "Don't let his kawaii charms beguile you! He is not the real Pesti, no matter how many Puchuu noises he makes. He is but a shady...and utterly cute...forgery."
          Puchuu Pesti: ^^ "Puchuu!"
          Demolition: [bleh] "I think I'm about to choke on the saccharine in this scene."
          Minako: "I just want to cuddle him forever! Can we keep him?"
          Makoto: "I guess I could find a place for him at my apartment--so long as he's housebroken. He just looks so adorable, I can't help myself!"
          SD Pesti #4: o.O; [gasp!] "Makoto, what are you thinking?!"
                    Filled with an ill-placed round of testosterone, SD Pesti #4managed to squirm free from Demolition's grip and threw himself at the Puchuu. The two collided and went flying out of Makoto's hands. She could only watch in disbelief as the two starting rolling around amidst a large dust cloud, battling to the bitter end.

"Who do you have your bets on, Carrot-chan?" Ami inquired as they watched the melee.

Dark Mayhem offered her some popcorn. "Definitely not the chibi-avatar who's somehow managed to put himself in a headlock."

Very quickly, Puchuu-Pesti was running off down the quad, SD Pesti #4 chasing after him with an SD Boomer he'd stolen from the Scrambled Wars.
          Puchuu-Pesti: ^^ "Puchuu!"
          SD Pesti #4: "It's pointless to resist! I'm a self-inserted fanboy with too much energy and not enough brainpower to know what to do with it."
                    Off they raced, mowing right past SD Pesti #1--who had just managed to return to his bench after purchasing another scoop of ice cream to go with his empty cone. SD Pesti #1 let out a horrified squeak as his ice cream was blown out of its cone. With a frantic, Bambi-eyed dive, Pesti-chan chased after his ice cream. The flying scoop of ice cream neatly landed in his cone with a "plop!"

"Wai!" SD Pesti #1 cheered.

Seconds later SD Pesti #3 landed on top of #1's head, sending SD Pesti #1's forehead right into the ice cream.
          SD Pesti #3: ^^v "And a solid landing! I give myself a full ten wangs for that."
                    [Cue the irate group of female phys. ed students chasing after#3!]
          Cute bubblehead: "Give us back our underwear, you demented midget!"
          SD Pesti #2: "San-chan, get back here! You've just stolen what I was trying to ransom off!"
                    The mob raced across the school grounds, trampling the hapless SD Pesti #1 and his ice cream in the process. After a few minutes, SD Pesti #1 managed to stagger to his feet, the ice cream cone sticking out from the centre of his head.
          SD Pesti #1: @.@ "UNICORN."
                    Of course, at least he didn't have to contend with the humiliation SD Pesti #6 was now receiving. Certainly escaping Ruckus' magic fingers was a good thing--but the alternative wasn't exactly any better. SD Pesti #6 glowered at a group of schoolgirls, who were gleeful chanting, "Who wears short shorts?" at him.

No matter what he said or threatened them with could get them to stop.
          Jyuban High schoolgirls: ^-^ "Who wears short shorts?"
          SD Pesti #3: >) "Not me."
                    [Cue the chibi-nekkid flashes!]
          Jyuban High schoolgirls: [shielding their eyes!] "Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
          Pandemonium: "Hey, put some pants on! Students are not allowed to be*not* wearing their regulated uniform! Get back here, you chibified streaker!"
                    Meanwhile, SD Pesti #5 was having problems of his own to contend with. Namely finding himself cornered by a very terrifying individual

SD Pesti #5's eyes widened. "M-Masaka! How did you escape from your bedroom?"

"Hysteria got tired of waiting," Hysteria answered, looking all cute in her Jyuban High blouse & skirt. "So Hysteria made a kawaii little escape-chan out her kawaii little bedroom window-chan!"
          SD Pesti #5: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...but we live on the twenty-eighth floor."
          Hysteria: --;; "So Hysteria noticed after she jumped. But luckily for kawaii little Hysteria, a kawaii little Wu-chan broke her fall!"
                    [Back at the apartment complex...]
          Desolation: x.x [now a large hole in the ground] "Itaaaaaiiiii...."
          Fairy Godbabbit: "What, that actually hurt? Come on, you're usually blasé when a Gundam colony smites you. What's the big deal about having Hysteria fall 28 storeys onto you?"
          Desolation: x.x "She was wearing cleat-chans."
          Fairy Godbabbit: >.< "You poor bastard."
                    "Getting back to *ME*, since I am the *STAR* of this fic," SDPesti #5 stated, forcibly yanking the plot back over to Jyuban High. "Just why are you eyeing me like that? And what's with the kawaii little frilly chibi-suit?"

Hysteria let out a diabolical giggle. "Hysteria needs one more kawaii little victim-chan...er, contestant-chan to be in her new show: Weakest Angel Link!"

Needless to say, the next few paragraphs of this fic involved Hysteria chasing after SD Pesti #5. "If it's a Victim you want, head to GOA!" he shrieked as Hysteria tried stopping him by lobbing random youma at him. "Abduct the candidates for Goddess, just leave me alone! KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Finally Hysteria skidded to a stop, glaring at the escaping SD Pesti #5. "Okay, now Hysteria's all hot and sweaty and very not kawaii," she stated. "You're going to pay for making Hysteria cranky, yes you are."

She snapped her fingers, and suddenly the pirate-busting ship Angel Links descended from orbit. "Hysteria has decided that Pesti-chan is the kawaii weakest Angel Link," she stated, pointing at the fleeing SD Pesti. "Use your kawaii little Oracle gun-chan and zorch his kawaii little ass!"
          SD Pesti #5: o.O;; "What kind of a game show is this?!"
          SD Pesti #1: ^-^ [sitting back down on the bench] "Wai! At last...I get to have my ice cream. Oh, if only I could be having it with Mako-chan."
          SD Pesti #5: [racing past the bench] "What are you doing just sitting there, Chibichi. Run!"
                    SD Pesti #1, on the verge of taking his first bite, glanced back at Hysteria. His eyes widened as he saw the Oracle cannon powering up, and then let out the loudest girly scream ever recorded in the history of fanfiction.
          SD Pesti #1: o.O; "AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"
                    *ZORCH!*
          Today's attempt to look normal...........failed.
         
                    [Cue the eyecatch!]
         
          THANKS TO:
          Havoc (who else?) for helping out with a number of the sight gags featured in this chapter, notably the "Unicorn" moment with SD Pesti#1.
          Pesti-chan, who's being a good sport about all this embarrassment I'd meant to put him through a year ago. Better late than never!
         
         

OMAKE THEATRE: THE GONG FIC!!!

         

Yes indeed, coming hot off the heels of that fan-favourite series, The Sailor Honeymooners ("One of these days Usagi: Bang! Pow! Right back to the Moon Kingdom!"), it's time for--
          Dark Mayhem: "Higher doses of medication?"
          Demolition: "That goes without saying, I should think."
                    --The Gong fic!

In this live broadcast, contestants & would-be authors come before a panel of judges to test the mettle (or Metallia) of their writing skills. But watch out: if you go too far, or get too tasteless& stupid, the gong will be run and you're out of the competition!
          Chaos: [waiting in the wings, but not in the Wing Gundam] "I can't wait to get out there. How do you think my odds of a sweeping victory look?"
          Dark Mayhem: "Chaos, if anyone can do it, so can you!"
          Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Will I do it better than them?"
          Pesti-chan: "Unlikely."
          Chaos: ^-^ "I like those odds!"
                    [Cue the facevault!]
                    Now let's meet today's illustrious panel of judges. Well...originally we were going to have Xellos, Master Keaton and the SM fanfic author Tim Nolan presiding in the judge's booth. But then they realised we wanted to dress them all up in funny Kero-chan costumes and make them perform the Asaba Sexy Dance. Naturally they all fled in terror.

So instead here are some people we yanked off the streets at the last minute:
          Carnage: [sharpening his Zanba sword] "There had better NOT be an Oscarfic competing today."
          Haruka Tenou: [sigh!] "This is what I get for following a cute tech girl onto a soundstage."
          Naoko Takeuchi: o.O;; "What's going on? How'd I get here?"
                    [Cue the first contestant!]
          Chaos: ^^v "Ohayo, everybody!"
                    *GONG!*
          Chaos: ;_; "But I never even got to tell you the title of my fic."
          Naoko: "And the world is made a much safer place."
          Chaos: "But what's so bad about Giant Robotech?! Come on, I've got kilt-wearing Valkyries in this baby! What's not to like?"
          Carnage: "DIL BRAND!!"
          Chaos: --;; "I knew I should have stuck with reading my 'Hawaii Five-O My Goddess' fic instead."
                    *ZORCH!!*
          Haruka: "Well this show's already got one foot in the grave. I can only fear who's next."
          Hysteria: ^-^ [boing-chan!] "Wai! Kawaii little Hysteria's next! And for her kawaii little entry-chan, Hysteria is going to read from her newest kawaii little fic-chan: Iku Yasha, featuring Yuri of the Pubic Hair!"
                    [Cue Hysteria getting clobbered by the gong!]
          Hysteria: o.O;;
                    *GOOOOOOONG!!*
          Rumiko Takahashi: [nasty eyebrow twitch!] "Fangirl no baka-chan!"
          Hysteria: @.@ "Hai...kawaii little baka-chan desu...."
          Naoko: "Wow, that was some throw!"
          Carnage: ^^;; "She must work out."
          Haruka: "Next victim--er, contestant, please!"
                    [Exit the baka-chan, enter the Doji....]
          Havoc: ^^v "Yo."
          Carnage: o.O;; "YOU?!"
          Haruka: >.< "Oh no...not another Havoc lemon."
          Naoko: "I'll get the torches. Haruka, you fetch the marshmallows."
          Havoc: "Now now, you haven't even heard the title of my Havoc fic yet."
          Carnage: "I'm not about to. DIL--"
          Havoc: ^-^ "Video Girl Aika."
          Haruka: [clamping a hand over Carnage's mouth] "Oooh, rampant panty shots and fanservice! I like the sounds of this fic already!"
          Naoko: [shrug!] "He's better than the last two nitwits. At this rate I'm almost willing to hear someone read that new Ruckusfic: Outlaw Starlights."
          Carnage: [struggle struggle!] "Are you insane, woman?! That pervert will screw everything up, pun intended!"
          Haruka: "You know, at this rate Carnage is going to ring the gong on Havoc the first chance he gets."
          Naoko: "I'll get the duct tape, you hold him down."
                    [Minutes later....]
          Carnage: --;; [duct-taped to his chair] "I hate you both."
                    And so Havoc began his saga of how dateless wonder Youta winds up with two video girls named Rion & Aika walking right out of his TV set! Unfortunately for Youta, the Delmo Group (all hail their thong panties!) want the two video girls. Soon an all-out war begins, with guns blazing left and right, and more nekkid flashes than you can shake a stick of Ragh at. But with the help of his really weird best friend, Michikusa Shintaro, and Michikusa's dancing kappa doll, Youta saves the day and helps deliver much fanservice with a smile!
          Naoko: [standing up & applauding!] "Wai! Wai! Wai!"
          Havoc: [bowing] "Domo!"
          Haruka: [drool!] "That was so brilliant. And such young, energetic...busty...scantily-clad women too...."
          Michiru: >) "Ara, Haruka, who's scantily-clad?"
          Haruka: [erk!] "Michiru, what a surprise! I thought this was a closed set!"
          Michiru: "That's not all that's going to be closed tonight, my dear."
          Haruka: [sniffle!] "H-Hidoi, Michiru."
                    However, by this time Carnage had finally managed to gnaw through the duct tape. With a frantic hope of ringing Havoc out, he lunged for the gong and rang it with his face.

Unfortunately, Havoc had just left the stage. The next contestant eagerly stepped up...only to get rung out by Carnage.
                    *GONG!*
          Greenbeans: ;_; "I thought you liked me...."
          Carnage: o.O;;
                    [Cue the ominous shadows of Haruka & Naoko looming over Carnage!]
          Haruka: [grrr!] "Akito, you just eliminated one of Sailormoon fanfiction's most beloved authors."
          Naoko: >( "I am NOT impressed."
          Carnage: ^^;; "Now ladies, I can explain. Really I can! Um...stunt double!"
          Puchuu bear: ^^ "Puchuu."
          Carnage: "Good enough!"
                    [Carnage changes places with the Puchuu bear!]
          Puchuu bear: ^^ "Puchuu?"
          Haruka: [with Space Sword!] "Enemy to all Senshi!"
          Naoko: [with 1000t mallet!] "Shin'ne!!"
                    *CRUNCH!*
          Puchuu bear: >o< "I am damn unsatisfied to be killed this way!!"
         
                    [End!]
         
         

Part 3